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July 09 2014

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March 12 2013

i dont know i just feel way too skinny

like im concave and gross and bony and skeletal and disgusting


i dont really believe that anymore but those were the words

March 10 2013

or is that i’m so fucked up that i’ll go for anyone that gives me positive attention

January 16 2013


The moment the song touched her ears, she started to sob. It was eight in the morning in Israel but it didn’t even matter if she woke anyone up in her dorm area, sitting outside in her hallway. She had been checking up on her friends back at home more and more often. She missed him, more than words could describe. Cal missed everyone. But she had friends here too, a new life she had begun. A different one too, to say the least. It was more open, a lot more free and such less drama. But it had grounded her and given her the much needed break from the mundane routine she was coming from back at home. And all the drama she had gone through. The breeze swept her hair back, cold air stopping her tears short as the song ended. It was done with. She needed to move on. Even if she would always love him. Lily was safe, that much was true, unsure of where she was and that broke her heart the most. But Cal knew it was for the best, as much as she would have been the best mother in the world. But it was an open adoption. And whenever the parents would let her come see her baby daughter, she would be more than willing to go.

Sniffling as she regained her composure, she smiled softly to the people passing by and giving her worried looks. One counselor from her Jew camp thing stopped but Cal gave her a Puckerman glare that made her hamscray. The counselor just rolled her eyes and smirked and Cal just bit her lip as her chance to open up walked away. The girl stood and ran her fingers through her thick wavy hair, putting it up into a messy bun on the top of her head. She was in her work out clothes, something she had started doing since her encounter with Hunter had left her feeling so helpless. Kickboxing and just finally getting muscle and tone definition of her own. Not to mention all the weight she’d gained from being pregnant.

Fixing up her jogging clothes, she shook it off, pocketing her phone and walking down the hall. She felt taller already, but missed him. Cal missed his hands and how he fit against her. But she knew that coming here had been for the best. They both knew it had to be for the best, even if it hurt. And she told him not to wait for her. It just… She didn’t think it would be so soon that he would be with someone else. But of all people, she was very happy it was Blaine.

Calliope hadn’t met anyone that appealed to her, really, everyone far too immature or not high enough to her standards. It really took a lot to impress her now, after all this new found confidence, she wasn’t about to be fucked around with like she had been with Marshall. No way, no how. For now Cal was content with being single, she was there for herself. That was all that mattered, and she had to protect her heart and look out for herself in the process. But if the right guy came along, she thought as she bounded down the stairs and out the door of the lobby, taking off into her jog around the block, she wouldn’t be opposed. It was all just a matter of finding the person that could sweep her away and keep her heart on lock. And one had. One had very well indeed. Just circumstance had taken it away from them.

But for now it would help if he spoke English.

January 07 2013


Life at Joffrey had been interesting. Cold was one of the words he could describe it as. As much as he loved the musical, Chicago was not his favorite place to be. But it was what needed to be done if he wanted to fulfill his dreams of becoming the next big star, finally getting his big break and landing a role in a Broadway show. It frustrated him though, to think that she had succeeded so flawlessly when he had had so many trials and errors. But he couldn’t stay mad, not at such a bundle of passion for theatre as herself. Only one individual matched her ardent fire, but not nearly the talent level, and no it wasn’t himself.

But Jesse had been watching the Tonys, of course, and he knew she’d get nominated. It was inevitable, with her above average talent and poise on stage, that she would get chosen. And she was young too which is what they liked now a days. Picking up his cell phone, he dialed her number. Dial tone, dial tone, but when it clicked and he heard her voice, he smiled brightly into the phone, leaning back in his comfy chair with all of his friends that had gathered to watch the Tonys together. “How does it feel to be a Tony nominee, eh?” he teased, grinning as they all chorused and cheered for her in the background, crowding around him as they yelled for him to tell her ‘congratulations’. “And I suppose a congrats is in order, but you did only get nominated. I’ll congratulate you when you get the Tony,” Jesse remarked, earning him slaps on his head and arms from his casts mates as they all just laughed and gathered closer to hear her response.

December 18 2012


December 13 2012

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Reposted bymiska25 miska25

December 12 2012

Grinning as he saw the redhead titter to the door with her little modest heels, Jesse rolled his eyes at her greeting comment. "That's Mister Point Shoes to you," he quipped back, winking at her as he zoomed by to set the carton holder of hot teas on the desk. Turning, he draped his coat over the chair and left his briefcase on the seat. He took a moment here to smarten up his vest, dusting himself off and smoothing his hair back carefully. Twisting back though, he retrieved the drinks and picked them both up. 

"Hope you like soy milk. Actual milk does something funny to my vocal chords so I can't be vexed to mess with it," the male said as he stood straighter, stalking up to her slowly and offering the Chai Tea to her with a bright smile. Looking around, he chuckled lightly. "Love what you've done with the place. It's quaint. And obviously always tidy. But where are those little handouts you promised me?" he asked in his smooth voice, going up on the balls of toes and taking a sip of his tea as he came back down. 

December 10 2012


November 27 2012

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Reposted byslammzerosiriusminerva
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Reposted byslammzerosiriusminerva
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Reposted bysiriusminerva siriusminerva

November 26 2012


Mellie had a little bag of groceries in her arms, along with some little baby clothes she’d found at Target and couldn’t help but buy. Bending down, she grabbed the spare key from the planterbox Kellin thought was so stealthy and stood back up, unlocking the house and turning the knob to push the door in. Hoisting her bags up, she pocketed the key in her light pink pants and looked around.

“Kell?” she called out, closing the door behind her. Tucking her pink hair behind her ear, she walked past the kitchen and living room, noticing how much was thrown about. Hospital shit, Kellin’s clothes, diapers, food. Shifting her eyes to the kitchen, she saw little bottles and plates out. Smiling softly, she left the grocery bag and her purse on the counter, intent on going back to tidy things up.

She walked around slowly, hearing for any sort of anything, passing Kellin’s empty room. The floorboards creaked as she came upon the nursery and she peeked in. Her slim hand on the door frame, she felt her heart melt at the sight. Cocking her head to the side, she smiled softly and sighed. It was the cutest thing she’d seen in a while.

The small girl draped the little clothing over the edge of the crib and crept in slowly, trying to make as little noise possible. Putting her hair up into a messy bun, she adjusted her little blue blouse adorned with white dots. Mellie looked at Kellin and that silly grin came back to her mouth. He was sitting in the rocking chair, holding on to Copeland, fast asleep. Walking up to him gently, she saw the bags under his eyes and she felt a tug at her heart. Mellie decided to pull out her phone and just snap a few pictures. He could call her creepy all he wanted.

After a moment of just appreciating the moment, she put her phone away back in her pants and leaned down to pick up Copeland from his arms. She just wanted to make sure that she wouldn’t slip out his arms or something. The little creature just yawned and snuggled into her but whined slightly as well from being pulled away from the warmth. A small little claspy hand held onto her pink hair tightly and she couldn’t help but whimper at the cute. Kellin shifted softly in the chair and she just bit her lip, walking Copeland over to the white crib Kellin had slaved over and setting her down gingerly. Carefully blowing on her flushed face, she caressed her soft little cheek, watching her small chest rise and fall. God he’d created one beautiful little girl. She was going to have so much fun pampering her. Getting atll the attention from Auntie Mellie, she thought to herself, letting out a silent giggle.

Once she was satisfied that Copeland wouldn’t wake up, she turned her head slowly over to her best friend. Sighing softly, she traced little circles on the crib and looked down, shaking her dumb thoughts away as she turned to leave. But something made her stop and turn back, picking at her nails as she regarded him so vulnerably because she knew he wasn’t going to respond really. Tip-toeing up to him, she shifted her weight from foot to foot awkwardly.

Kellin looked so young in that moment as he shifted in his sleep and rubbed his eye, crossing his arms and nuzzling his head into itself. His arms dropped into his lap and he fell lax once more. His dark black hair had fallen into his face and was covering up his eyes. Without thinking twice about it, she ran her fingers through his soft locks and tucked them behind his ear. Leaning down, she pecked him on the top of his head and grabbed one of Copeland’s blankets. Billowing it out, she laid it on his lap. Next, she grabbed a small pillow and tucked it behind his head and letting him get situated. Not once did he open his eyes as he nuzzled into the soft pillow, just sighed softly and a little smile left his lips.

Feeling pleased with herself at his reaction, she smiled to herself lightly and shook herself out of her silly thoughts again, trying to not focus on how adorable he looked right now. Mellie looked around the room and noticed a little bit of scattered things. Not dirty, just all over the place. Going around, she straightened up the stuffed toys, folded a few things and tried to be as quiet as possible. Casting one last look at him, she slowly let the door creak shut and maneuvered herself out.

Yawning slightly, she rubbed her eyes and scratched her nose a little as her Toms-ed little feet took her back to the living room. Here she did the same, picking up trash and baby wipes and the works, as well as grabbing Kellin’s random clothes and throwing them in the laundry room. One she straightened out the couch and magazines on the coffee table, put away his guitar, and fluffed out all the decorative pillows, she sighed at a job well done. Dusting her hands off, she went to the kitchen next.

It was a nice day out, the sun not as harsh as it could be, but still that trademark warm Florida weather. Closing the curtain slightly, she threw away all unneeded objects and brought the plates and baby bottles to the sink. Capping the formula, she took it to the pantry and put it away. Next came her groceries. Walking to them, she pulled out some bread, ham, cheese, lettuce, your basic sandwich stuff, and then some sodas and a few waters, as well as juice. Taking little trips, she filled up the fridge and closed it, soon disposing of the paper bag in the garbage bin under the sink.

Mellie cracked her neck and massaged it slowly as she walked up to the sink. There were forks and plates and what not that needed cleaning. Peeking in the washing machine, she noticed there was no room and that they were still dirty. Turning the machine on, she lifted the faucet handle and grabbed the soap, lathering it on a sponge. The foam soon formed over her creamy thin hands, scrubbing plate after plate, bottle after little bottle, cups and utensils galore.

Her thoughts took over at this moment, as she pictured what it would be like to be with him. This would be the moment where he would wake up and walk in sleepily, a confused look on his face. She turn and giggle at him, throwing a wet sponge at him. He’d whine and throw it back hitting her in the face. Her jaw would drop in surprise and she’d then stick her tongue out at him, turning back to her work as she would wipe her face away.

He’d then slowly walk up behind her and wrap his arms around her small little waist and murmur his thanks into her ear, making her blush like an idiot as she cleans the bottles wordlessly. He’d then place a little kiss on her shoulder and she’d get butterflies flying around in her tummy, and one would escape up to her heart.

Mellie snapped herself out of it and rinsed her hands off along with the freshly cleaned kitchenware, putting it on the rack to dry. It was almost as if she could feel his arms around her. Almost.

But he wasn’t. She was very much alone as she dried her hands and got her things, and left, locking the house up and leaving the little key back with him.

Along with her heart.


What if I fall and hurt myself? Would you know how to fix me?

What if I went and lost myself? Would you know where to find me?

If I forget who I am, would you please remind me?

Oh, cuz without you things go hazy.


It was chilly where she was, wrapped in her coat, nose pink from the cold as the bitter air bit at her cheeks. The white cold puffs that came out of her mouth surrounded her, giving her a hazy look, as if lost in her own mist. Her little chin was trembling, teeth chattering, as she stood and waited at the train station.


It had been so long since she’d seen him, but not the longest. They had talked and had such a good time last year, but with being off to the war, things changed. Her living so far away from him in the first place didn’t help much either. The contact they had had was limited in the months before he left. And even so, nothing compared to the time they had shared when she had visited around the same June time frame as now, almost a year ago to date. But she wanted to surprise him with this new visit, and seeing as she was in the country already for another event, she thought she might as well.


He was the love of her life. They had first met as kids, her father being a native from this country and he had wanted her to get to know his friends and family here. A smile graced her features as she thought back to what would have been her winter, but being south of the equator, it was a lovely, sunny and warm week before Christmas here in this different different place, the memory resurfacing slowly.


She was eleven, with the mind and body of a thirteen year old. He had just turned fifteen. A little crush was in the air. And she hung onto his every word in the language she was not familiar speaking, but understood every word of. And he loved to be listened to, her attention bringing a fresh blush to his face because no one had ever been so intrigued by him before. On the beach, in little pathways in the forest, small adventures where they didn’t even need to talk. Just lock eyes, share a moment, and laugh, because they were both so shy.


Her favorite moment was when she had almost fallen out their tree. Her foot had misplaced on the branch and it snapped, creating panic around the safe treehome they practically both lived in that southern hemispheric summer. She had been scared, terrified that she would fall those ten feet and fall on her back to never walk again, but he had caught her just in time before she would go plummeting down. With all the force he had, he had pulled her up and they toppled back into the little treehouse he had found there on his own adventures.


Laying there together in the warm sun as it was setting, being so young and innocent as she looked down at him, the sun making his brown eyes look like a brilliant yellow honey shade, thinking about how he had saved her… it was the perfect time for a first kiss. Her first kiss as her heart surged, feeling those gentle lips against hers as she leaned down, her long brown hair cascading around his face, making a curtain for the little private moment. And it made her the happiest girl on the planet. Like no one in the world could ever be as happy as she was in the moment, hiding her face in his neck and feeling heat on her cheeks that was most certainly not from the sun.


It was quick and awkward but he held her tightly, both very unwilling to move, especially her, seeing as she’d almost fallen to her death. They never did get to go back to that place though. She didn’t get to see the boy again. Her short trip to her father’s homeland didn’t allow it, and they had other people to see as well. Her thoughts dwelled on him though, as they flew those thirteen hours back to her house in the state where she lived. Where she was supposed to be.


For seven years she didn’t see that cute freckled boy with amazing dimples that would light up a room when he smiled. The boy she’d grown so fond of. They hadn’t gone back because they’d been busy, because they didn’t have the money, because they went visiting her mother’s place of origin instead.


So the two innocent souls both went on with their lives, at first trying to stay in contact with emails, but slowly dwindling over time as interests and lives evolved. But he didn’t leave her heart. No long period of time went by where she didn’t think about the sweet warm honey eyes that had taken her by the heart strings. Not to say that she didn’t try and find other suitors, high school being high school, and being a girl of her age, it was not uncommon. But she never forgot him, she couldn’t, he held one of her firsts, but she didn’t go out of her way to remember him either. And with that, the boy from Manantiales became but a memory, one that never failed to make the sweet girl smile.


Then came the day, a few months before her eighteenth birthday, where her father had told her that they would be returning once again to the place where she had left her innocent little heart once before. It came as a shock to her and she couldn’t help but immediately think of the sun filled warm moment that never left her, of seeing that family friend once again. And in due time they were in contact once more, emailing, sending messages when possible and sharing in their excitement to see each other. Neither mentioned that day, that moment, that kiss in the setting sun. But she wanted to. And she liked to think he did too.


Months passed, anticipation ensued, and soon enough she set foot in the one place that had felt like home immediately. Different age, now legal, so many people to see, so many things to feel, and everything had changed so much. Too much. It hurt her to have been gone for so long. Breathing in and out the sweet air, she shivered, cold and excited, spotting him on the other end of the terminal. Her parents were busy with greeting other people.


It was as if out of one of those cheesy romantic movies, running and him catching her. He spun her around and just held her close, as she took in the sweet familiar smell of warm cinnamon, igniting her senses and bringing that warmth back into her heart. Tears streamed down her face as she felt her happiness triple. He was so perfect for her and he was smiling, just as eager to see her as she had been to see him.


She was exciting, new, different. And no one else had ever given him the attention she had after so long. No one had ever made him feel as important as she once had so long ago. And that was what made him feel good. Gave him purpose after events he didn’t want to bring up. He didn’t want to spoil their happiness with sob stories from his recent past.


They said their goodbyes reluctantly that day with plans to meet again, but unable to stay together long for he had to go back to work and she had to unpack and settle down in her month long home. They met soon enough, after she revisited with other friends, other family, other places. They reacquainted themselves with each other, seeing what had changed, what really hadn’t and still shared those locked moments. Moments where they would smile, blush, and chuckle, both too shy to bring up that scene that happened so long ago, but they clearly both remembered it.


And then he got the idea to go back to that place. It was winter now for them so it’d be freezing, but he says they could swing by his house and get a bunch of blankets, two portable heaters, and more jackets and make the adventure there.


“Dale, Tatis,” he says to her in his soft voice that makes her heart thunder in its ribcage. He’s speaking her name in that familiar language and she gets butterflies despite herself. “For the sake of the past?” he continues, in his broken English, eyes sparkling like that night and she can only blush furiously and nod, knowing exactly what he means.


And so they made the trip there, cold as ever, but snuggled close enough that she doesn’t realize the temperature. She was scared as she climbed up the tree, having developed a fear of heights over the years and clinging to him as he helped her up. The girl knew she was safe with him there. Safe and sound as they reached the top of the quite intact little house.


“I came back and add more new wood to the house to keep it fortalized,” he whispers to her. “It takes me a little bit but it was so we could came back to present you it,” he murmurs in her ear. He smiles, seeing her blush and look up at him, and he feels triumphant. He blushes himself as he takes her inside, waiting on her response. A small gasp leaves her as she looks around, it’s so pretty. There’s a few flowers. Some books and a blanket on the ground. It’s small so they have to duck down but it’s still fairly spacious, being such a big tree.


He goes over and lights a candle on a small little table and pulls out the two little battery powered heaters. She doesn’t say anything but he sees the constant smile on her face and the glassy tears in her eyes and he knows he’s done something right.


Soon enough they were cuddled under some blankets and talking and catching up, finding out every little last thing of the other. It was winter, but his heat and the heaters and the yellow glow of the candlelight made the night seem just like that breezy January summer day.


She smiled at the memory, thinking of him brushing her hair out of her eyes and running his thumb down her cheek. The boy had leant in closely and her heart had faltered as his lips touched hers again, just as soft and sweet and gentle as the first time. She couldn’t bring to mind how it progressed, but layers of clothing soon came off that night as he leaned forward onto her and she rested back on the cold wood of the small house. Blankets covered them. Names were begged needily as eyes were fluttered shut, heads thrown back. She could never forget how warm and full she felt as he pressed himself so intimately into her that night, sharing that locked gaze without saying any words. Not a first first, but her first and only time with him. The thought of that night never failed to make blush and smile.


Her heart raced at the thought of it all, coming back to the present and repositioning herself in the cold winter day on that train stop. He didn’t know she was here again, unable to really come into contact with him since he left so suddenly after being drafted. Sighing and hugging herself closer for warmth, she thought of how sad she was when she went home. How sad he seemed as well, when he said goodbye the next day, both unwilling to part from that little treehouse, but both dying of cold that they had to. A tear rolled down her cold face as she remembered their last kiss when he dropped her off at her borrowed home, watching him walk back to the car and drive away.


Dreams were filled of that little driven away moment, her heart clenching for some reason, the pessimist inside her driving her to believe she’d never see him again. Taking a breath when she saw a few generals settle down in the tables around them, she got into line immediately, still fairly stuck in the back. She worried her lip as a few women went up and softly asked for their husbands. One pregnant woman was left standing before her and the general was giving her a stern look and set his hand on hers. She screamed and another man of war stood with her, catching her and letting her cry in his arms for a moment as he pulled her away and to the side. She felt herself tense and almost ran away to the end of the line when she felt a push from behind her to keep moving. Snapping out of it, the young girl walked up and cleared her throat.


“Apellido y nombre por favor,” the man said to her in a smooth low voice. Somehow it eased her nerves. Only slightly though.


“S-Scarlettini. Gonzalo Scarlettini,” she stammered softly, almost inaudible. The man had stark black hair, a thick mustache to match, and striking green eyes.


The man looked through his mountain of papers and sighed sadly. It was almost as if time had slowed as she watched his hand fall on her dainty white gloved one. Panic shot through her, her chest constricting and the nerves in her nose prickling as the cold made the oncoming well of emotions worse.


“N-No. No puede ser. No,” she denied, ripped her hand away from his. “Miralo otra vez. Gonzalo Scarletti—


“Senora, por favor,” the man insisted, eyes darting around to call out for help as he noticed the girl start to shake.


“NO! Mira otra vez. Lalo Scarlettini!” she hollered, voice shrill, slamming her fist down on the small table. Her heart would have known. Her heart would have felt him leave. She would have known.


“Ay! Lalo! Perdoname, mi mujer. Lalo lo consco. Perdoname perdoname. Hay ontro Gonzalo Scarlettini. Lalo esta vivo. Esta vivo. Viene en el proximo tren. Mi dulsura, por favor. Pense que estabas preguntando por alguien mas,” he said apologetically, panic coursing across his face.


Relief washed through her, tears rolling down her cheeks, and a hiccup of happiness captured her as she shook her head. “Pues c-cuidado con ese nombre! Me entendes?? Si alguien mas viene, busca para otros del mismo nombre. Me escuchas, senor?” she said forcefully, bringing a shaky hand to her forehead to fan her eyes and compose herself.


“Si, mil disculpas. Mil disculpas. Seras la primera que lo vea. Ta, senora?” he offered as a token of forgiveness.


She just nodded, willing the tears away and trying to breathe evenly as he nodded back at her. He signaled for her to be taken by another military man. It was a softer man, younger, not as much facial hair, blonde with kind blue eyes that immediately comforted her as he smiled down at her. His hand subconsciously rubbed her back softly as they walked to front area designated especially for expectant family and friends.


“Yo, que vos… No hubiera sido tan buena gente,” he began in a warm tone. The girl sniffled and shrugged, smiling at him ruefully. “Pero, ta. Se mando una brutal cagada,” he whispered to her softly in her ear. She just giggled quietly through her watery tears and shook her head, looking down.


“Pero no le digas que dije eso o me mandan de nueva pa lla,” he said even softer, gesturing and meaning that they would send him back into the war for saying something like that. The girl just snickered and smiled back up at him gently. Once they reached the front first area, the man kissed her temple and grinned at her.


“Tenga fuerza, okay?” he said encouragingly. She just blushed slightly and nodded, sniffling a bit more and taking a deep breath. Mourning his presence as he left her there, watching him walk off, she felt her nerves fill her up as she saw the train in the distance. The steam billowed in the air and the horn rang out, sending chills down her spine. She’d be able to see him and hold him and her heart couldn’t take the sensations.


Her watery eyes were blurred even more as people gathered around and waited, the smoke filling the ambient air around them. She saw the light through the haze and her heart beat faster than she had ever felt it beat. Everything slowed down and the train was finally zooming by her, slowing and finally coming to a stop. Waiting with bated breath, the doors clicked and opened slowly. It was quiet for a moment when chatter and cries of ‘papa!’ or ‘papi!’ filled the air. Kiss after kiss was witnessed by the tender girl, heart eager to find him.


When finally her eyes landed on him. He looked different. More serious. That mischievous glint to his eyes a bit dimmed, but still as honey brown as ever. But he was still breathtaking to her. He was looking around for someone, she wasn’t sure who, but his expression turned to shock when they finally caught each other’s eyes. For some reason, her blood ran cold.


Gulping, she smiled and nodded at him, walking up to him. He was still for a moment but shook his head and smiled back at her, leaning in to kiss her softly on the cheek. Something felt off. Felt different. Her heart clenched as he stroked her face, wanting to hold him close but the moment, for reasons she could never explain, wouldn’t permit it. His eyes were so different. And he no longer smelled like cinnamon. But she wanted to be in his arms and feel that warmth once more.


“Y Tatis.. Que… Que haces aqui?..” he asked. It came off a bit cold. What are you doing here? It threw her off a bit and made her frown slightly but not so much that she couldn’t recuperate her demeanor quickly.


“Mi papa… Habia otro evento.. Te queria sosprender… E-Esta mal?” she asked, voice pinching due to the emotion behind it.


He took a deep breath and ran his hands up and down her arms, sighing. Pulling her in, she felt herself tense in his arms. Her body was rejecting him, a glaring stark difference to the arms she had been in those two soft gentle nights. Regardless, she gripped onto him and took in his new scent. Something spicy. She couldn’t place it. And also a fruit smell. Something a bit more feminine and her heart began palpitating erratically. She prayed to God he couldn’t feel it, burying her cold face into the harsh fabric of his uniform.


“Pense que nunca te iba ver de nuevo,” he murmured in his hushed voice. Normally a phrase like that would make her swoon for him but this seemed different. It seemed more like an explanation. Taking a step back, she furrowed her eyebrows.


“What?” she asked, swallowing thickly.


“Pense que… No se.. Que iba pasar siete anos otra vez… No.. No pense que iba ver… Por favor.. Entiende..” he said, almost desperately.


She was missing something. He was telling her to understand, pleading her really. And she didn’t know why. He leaned down to press his lips to hers and it was done so softly. So carefully. That it made her want to cry. He pulled away far too quickly, unable to really savor the moment and he stepped back marginally. She really didn’t understand what he was doing. Surely he remembered what they had had.


Her confusion made his eyes water and he kicked himself mentally, taking his hat off for a moment and running his hand through his hair. “Pense que te iba perder de nuevo…” he kept explaining, shaking his head and putting his hat back on. He took her hands and a tear rolled down his cheek.


“Prometeme que no te vas a enojar… Nunca pense… Nunca…” but his voice trailed off as he heard his name being called from a ways away. Both their heads snapped over, hands dropping as she saw the gorgeous creature with long sleek black hair, in fine furs, a small baby bump formed on her petite form. She was smiling and walking briskly to him, her silver platinum lipsticked lips capturing his immediately and everything inside her broke.




The woman pulled away and stroked his cheek gently as he smiled at her halfheartedly. The giant rock on her left ring finger caused the girl’s heart to crack down the middle even faster, glistening brilliantly as she tried to bite back the tears.


“Y vos? Quien sos?” the other woman asked harshly, completely draped over the warm boy that had once filled the girl’s heart with such warm happy feelings. Those feelings where cold now, drenched in bitter disappointment, and lathered with regretful woe.


“Un amiga de la infancia. Nadie importante. Mucho gusto. Y vos?”


“Su novia, obviamente,” she replied reproachfully, showing off her ring with one hand and keeping the other on her enlarged abdomen. His arm was around the woman, an awkward extension of himself. As if there because he had to, not because he wanted to. The girl just nodded at the black haired woman, forcing a plastered smile on her face.


“Felicidades,” she whispered, nodding. “Lalo. Te ves re bien. Un beso a tu familia.”


He made to comment but she was too quick. And without hesitation, without bidding him goodbye, she turned on her heel and left as quickly as possible. The hurt, the tightening chest pain that was constricting her left her breathless. She passed the tabled area, passed the people that were now looking at her as she ran off, trying not to completely break down in public. She may have heard her name being called but she was too eager to flee the heartbreaking scene to care. But as she ran by, she couldn’t help but notice the quick flash of blue grey eyes that had danced across her eyesight.


Not paying much heed to it, she reached her little car soon enough. Fumbling with her keys and finally unlocking it, she climbed inside and slammed the door shut. A silent cry rung out as she clutched her chest, face contorted in too much pain for such pretty and gentle features. Dragging another breath in, the hoarse sob she produced tore and ripped at her throat. The disappointment and pain engulfed her as she gripped hard onto herself, letting the overwhelming emotions take over as her frail body shook with her violent sobs.


Time passed and she didn’t know how much had elapsed but the shock of the situation had simmered away. Sniffling, she put the keys to the ignition and brought the car to life, pulling out of the parking lot and driving slowly through the backroads to her destination.


It didn’t take her too long for her to get there, or maybe it did. She was too numb to know. To care. Sighing slightly, her eyes burned with those deceitful tears that broke through her strong façade. She reeled it in and tried to breathe evenly, blinking rapidly to rid herself of those treacherous droplets of sorrow that poured out anyway.


Rolling up, the gravel crunching under the tires, she parked in the little area roped off for cars. The girl climbed out, that crunch still there with every step she took until the gravel turned to a dirt path, flanked with green green grass and beautiful trees to match. She lost herself in the woods, no real direction.  But of course an ending location in mind.


Looking up at the big tree with a stern curiosity, she felt herself get a surge of adrenaline. She didn’t need him to climb up there. She didn’t need him. Taking bark and branch under her hand, she began her ascent up to the little house. Her footing went well, using the same spots they had memorized to get up there in the most effective way.


Unfortunately for her, she was not wearing the equipped shoes for climbing and her foot slipped on the old tree, very close to where she had slipped the first time some eight years ago. Terror flashed through her and she forced herself not to look all the way down. Whimpering and hanging onto the branch above her, she tugged and kicked and, with her foot, tried to reach for the rungs of the short rope ladder that would let her reach up to the top of the tree.


She tried once, and nearly lost balance completely, legs dangling dangerously and she couldn’t help but look down. Her heart was thundering in her chest and she was completely panicked, trying her best not to scream and freak out. The adrenaline rushed through her like battery acid, but it only further motivated her as she snapped her head up and thought of that stupid glimmering ring hanging off her ugly bony finger. Ugly fake tan skin that made her look ten years older than him. Ugly cold black eyes that did nothing but create such anger and resentment that it propelled her legs enough to swing and successfully reach for the rungs.


They caught in them and she dragged the ladder over, reaching out immediately and grabbing onto the rung. A giant smile graced her features as she carefully let the other arm go off the large branch and took hold of the rope ladder. Steadying herself, she breathed the cold air in and out, the puffs of white rosying her cheeks as she slowly but surely pulled herself up onto the landing. She didn’t need him.


The girl reached the little house after a moment of recuperation, crawling over, still a bit too shaken to take full control of her legs. The little door creaked open and the old candle was still there. As well as a couple of the blankets they had left. None of the books were there. Both heaters were gone. And the little lace curtain that had once hung on the window had been torn down and was a yellow lump in the corner of the wooden house.


Shivering, she frowned and went to sit in the middle of the small room. Floods of emotions overtook her but she could only sit and let the silent tears fall, sniffling here and there as the only tell tale sign that she was crying. The pretty girl grabbed the red half melted candle to her right and traced it gently, bringing it to her nose and sniffing it lightly. She burst into tears immediately.


The candle smelled like cinnamon.


Her cries weren’t as gut wrenching as before but they certainly were loud, repeatedly yelling and wondering why and what she had done to deserve this. What she had done so wrong that she would be hurt in such an unfortunate manner? The loneliness filled her heart as she stared forlornly at the disfigured thick candle. A small pout formed on her lip but she couldn’t bear to put the candle down, cradling it against her chest as she rocked back and forth for not only heat, but out of comfort too.


Lying back, she sighed and could still feel the tears falling, staring at the ceiling and unable to even really process what was happening to her. For her… This was it. She’d never love again. She’d never trust again. No one could compare to the sweet freckled boy from Manantiales.


The sound of shuffling feet just outside on the little landing made her shoot up like a rocket. It couldn’t have been him. Was it him? Did he go looking for her and know where to find her? Had he really left that abomination of a woman to come find her. Share in the place that had brought them together no matter how much time in between had elapsed from each visit. Her heart pounded in anticipation, waiting and wishing to see who exactly was behind that little slab of wood, feeling her hands shake nervously as she gripped onto the candle for support.


Inviting blue eyes greeted her though as the door squeaked on its makeshift hinges and a blush crept to her cheeks. It wasn’t him and it disappointed her slightly. But it was still someone that was quite warm and she found herself look down shyly as he smiled so serenely at her. Peeking back up though, she noticed that he had a bashful yet impish expression on his face, watching him chuckle and duck in. “Perdoname por seguirte pero vi como saliste… Vi al hombre con esa pu—… Bueno, no se. Y quise venir a ver si estabas bien.”


She set down the candle and wiped her tears away quickly, face red in embarrassment at her public display of depression. Nodding at him, she beckoned him in and patted the area beside her. This new boy with a gentle soft demeanor walked in carefully, the wood squeaking under him due to its deterioration.


The girl just blushed harder as he sat down and smiled over at her, peeking her eyes up at him shyly as her hair hid her face. Looking back down demurely, she felt herself grow even more flustered as she felt his gaze on her. A warm hand came up to tuck her hair out of her face and she kept her eyesight away.

“Como te llamas?” he asked her in a hushed tone, pulling his hand away and keeping a patient expression on his face.


She turned her head slightly and looked down and then back up at him. “Tatiana,” she mumbled softly, focusing on a stray string he had on his uniform.


Ducking his head down, he caught her eyes and before she could look away, he caught her chin with his fingers, tilting it up to keep her there. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks even more and he just smiled. He had a lopsided smile. But that’s what made it perfect. It’s imperfection.


“Bueno, Tati. Te puedo llamar eso?” he asked. She just nodded softly as he wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her arm soothingly. “Ta. No llores mas, me entendes? Es un reberendo pelotudo. Oie lo que dijo. Yo que el, si te hubiera querido tanto… Hubiera ido hasta la luna y de vuelta para estar con vos. No totalmente tirar todo a la mierda y empesar algo con una mina que no tiene nada que ver. Ya se que lo queres. Pero el, como el otro, se mando una gran cagada,” he said, gesturing with his hands and shrugging at her incredulously.


She just shook her head and sighed, trying not to smile. “No es tan facil. Lo conoci desde chica… Yo nunca podria hacer eso a el. No entiendo como pudo estar con alguien mas y poder tocarla y besarla y mirarla sin vomitar. Especialmente ella. Como por favor. Ademas estar contento con su vida… Yo lo hice tan contento…” she said, feeling her eyes burn. “B-Bueno.. Pense que le hice contento…”


The boy shook his head and put his arm back around her. “Mi amor.. Tu lo viste. Pensas que esta contento?” he asked her, raising an eyebrow at her. She just sighed and shook her head as the boy pulled her in closer. The girl knew he was just settling for that distasteful woman. She found herself pitying him for a moment, but as she furrowed her brow she realized that that was what he chose. If he wanted to, he could have followed her to the treehouse and made her fall for him all over again. He could have had her. He still could.


But stopping to think about it, she didn’t know if she could bear to take him back if he came running to her. The pain she’d just endured was something indescribable, and her trust in him was gone, seeing how easily he could hurt her. How easily he could move on without her. But he had a kid on the way, responsibilities and duties he had to tend to, and he’d changed too. Slowly but surely, she was starting to realize that the boy she’d fallen in love with was no longer around. And it was that fact that she was mourning. In reality, she didn’t want the person he was now. He wasn’t the burst of sunshine that filled her with unrelenting warmth anymore, and that was the hardest part of it all. The loss of the boy from Manantiales.


Resting her head on the body next to hers, she relaxed, curling into him as she felt herself ease. He seemed so comfortable, so familiar, exuding a sensation of tranquility that blanketed over her heavy heart. It was almost as if she knew him. Maybe even met him a long time ago in one of her visits to where her father grew up. Knitting her eyebrows, she looked up at him suddenly and studied his face harder.


Nah.. It couldn’t be?... Could it? Squinting at him further, he just eyed her softly, cocking his head to the side at her sudden scrutiny.


“Te consco,” she whispered in a slight gasp, eyes widening as an image of one of his father’s friend’s son flashed through her mind. He just chuckled and nodded.


“Si. Y yo a ti,” he replied, straightening and grinning from ear to ear. “Queria ver cuanto te iba tomar para acordarte.”


Here she blushed and shrugged, looking down timidly. “Me reconosiste?” she asked shyly, swallowing thickly and flicking her eyes back up at him.


The boy leaned down and smiled into her hair. “Imediatamente,” he murmured in her ear, his warm breath on her sensitive skin sending chills down her spine. “Pero no tu nombre. Tatiana. Tenes un nombre precioso.”


The girl felt her heart race as he pulled her closer and her cheeks turn bright pink, conforming to the idea that that color would be set on her face permenantly. His thumb ran down her cheek and that crooked smile graced his lips. Smiling back softly, her eyes fluttered down. “C-Como te llamas?” she let out breathily.


“Espanetti. Daniel Espanetti,” he murmured back, brushing his nose against hers.


“Te vas a mandar una gran cagada?” she asked, eyes glimmering when she looked back up, a small playful smirk gliding across her mouth.


“La unica cagada seria no ir con vos a la luna,” he replied, smiling widely as he watched her smile back just as earnestly.


Hiding her face in his neck, she giggled and blushed. He made her feel better. And while obvious interest was shown, she knew it was to make her feel special. And whether or not she found something with him, his small little visit had given her hope. The other boy was the first person to make her feel special, but that didn’t mean he had to be the only one that did. With this small visit to her house of broken dreams, a new beginning had started, however innocent the initial intention had been. And she couldn’t have been more grateful, feeling his arms wrap around her securely.


They didn’t get together immediately. She left the blonde boy and went back to the States with her father and mother. But the image of his sweet tender eyes left her thinking on them continuously. Until one day she found the sweet caring blonde knocking at her door, fresh out of a 15 hour flight. It had been completely out of nowhere and it caught her off guard. But in the best way possible. She realized at that moment that when she thought everything was falling apart, everything had actually been falling into place.


And so the girl did end up with a warm gentle boy from Manantiales, just like she always knew she would. When she’d be in his arms a few years later, her own modest ring on her finger as he traced little circles on her huge belly, she’d think back to that day in the treehouse with him and then lean in to kiss his soft lips lightly.


For the memory of it all never failed to make her smile.

November 06 2012

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